Reorienting Self-Consciousness
The understanding and assurance of self for the Christian is beautifully backwards. Psalm 139:23 states “Search me, Oh God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!” Have you ever wondered why King David not just search himself? Why bother looking to the Lord when it comes to the understanding of self? Perhaps there is something deeper and better that David was onto in looking to the Lord first to understand himself.
Research shows that there is a direct connection between self-consciousness and heightened symptoms of anxiety and depression. Self-consciousness can represent many different aspects of a person’s internal processing. In some ways it can be a very helpful regulatory tool. For example, it can help with emotional-regulation or providing a deep sense of conviction that can lead to helpful change. John Owen speaks about a healthy introspection that can be used as a means of putting sin to death in our lives. Despite the many benefits that can come from a healthy self-awareness, like anything good and healthy, it can become something completely unhelpful. It can become something that is all-consuming and is more about ourselves in relation to others, as opposed to ourselves in relation to God. For the purpose of this article, we will define self-consciousness as an individual’s heightened awareness of themselves, their appearance, and their actions in relation to others around them.
Let’s talk about social media for a second. We all know that there are some very negative outcomes that result from excessive use of social media. Psychological research has coined the phrase Problematic Internet Use (PIU). The research findings are startling to say the least. In light of this research, I’d like to argue that social media heightens our sensitivity and increases our self-consciousness. Surprised? Nope. I think we can all agree that we are a very self-conscious generation. This leads to an increased desire for validation. Humans have always looked to family and friends for validation, but we might be the only generation that is constantly looking for validation, even from complete strangers! OK, so there’s the social media doomsday report. Social media is here to stay and likely asking everyone to delete their accounts is not reasonable, and I’m not planning on doing that myself.
So how do we battle our predisposition towards self-consciousness, in a social media age so consumed with self, that it has become normalized?
Here are 3 steps to help us intentionally guard our hearts against our natural desire to focus in on ourselves
1. Think about These Things
Philippians 4:8 says “…whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
Philippians 4 tells us what we should be thinking about and that list is not one that comes naturally to any of us. Here are some examples of what does come naturally to us. Self-consciousness hides itself in our everyday thoughts – thoughts like “Oh wow Nancy got the new Skylight Calendar! That calendar could potentially fix all my problems.” “All the other kids in my kid’s class are in after school sports and our kids aren’t. What if our kids don’t measure up athletically to their peers?” “Tina is volunteering and showing up to all the school activities, maybe I should be doing the same thing?” We all have thoughts like these and they often highlight our insecurities. The thing that makes these thoughts increase unhelpful self-consciousness and decrease our joy, is that they reflect us in relation to other people who are just like us.
Let’s be mindful together and take note of how these seemingly harmless thoughts take our attention away from what we ought to be thinking about. Let’s do this exercise together – let’s come up with specific examples of what falls into the categories listed for us in Phil. 4:8. Together we can begin to intentionally think about these things every day. The more time we spend doing that, the less time we will have to think about Nancy’s calendar, what the other kids are doing, and Tina’s schedule.
2. Think About Others
Let’s consider Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves, let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Clinicians often encourage those who struggle with social anxiety to attend parties with a perspective that considers how they can make the experience of others at the party more enjoyable. That if they spend their time leading up to the party thinking of ways to contribute to the experience of others and being more interested in how other party goers are doing, they will in turn, experience the party with more enjoyment than if they spent their time thinking of how to best present themselves to others. This gives new purpose and meaning to attending the party all together. Everyone benefits, and social anxiety decreases. While this strategy is presented as a helpful psychological reframe, it is in fact a biblical principle that is relevant to all of us, and reflects how Christ came and gave everything up for us and how we, in turn, need to consider others more significant than ourselves.
What is one practical thing you can do this week to override your self-consciousness and bless the ‘others’ that God has placed in your life? There is a sweet release that occurs when you push through your discomfort and lean in!
3. Think about God
Psalm 107:43 says, “Whoever is wise, let him attend to these things; let them consider the steadfast love of the LORD.”
Isaiah 26: 3-4 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.”
John 3:30 “He must increase, but I must decrease.”
Our circumstances are constantly changing. As we get older and experience more of life and all its challenges, we change. The things we value change, our friends and family change, our social circles change. The way we view life changes. The only thing that is absolutely certain and unchanging is that God is overseeing all of it, and in all his wisdom and mercy is choosing to keep it all together. He is the everlasting rock.
If you are looking for freedom from the chains of self-consciousness, take heart, you are not alone, this is something we all struggle with and the remedy is universal. Even if it feels impossible or out of reach, look to God, remembering The Spirit is at work and He desires to reorient our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus. Put your trust in Him and experience the promise of peace which surpasses all understanding. As a Christian, there is not a single step you will take in this journey alone – every step is in tandem with Him!
Please keep in mind that there are circumstances that are more nuanced and complex. Examples of that can be, intense patterns of rumination and compulsive thinking that impact daily functioning. This article is by no means meant to minimize that reality. If you believe your experience is one that is more complex, please reach out for help from a trusted individual.
Written by Amy Scott, RSW., MSW.
Amy completed her Masters in Social Work at the University of Toronto, and has been counselling individuals, children and families for 18 years. She has a passion for working with young adults, adolescents, children and families. Currently, Amy is running Scott Counselling Services.
If you would like to find out more about her practice, please visit: scottcounsellingservices.com
Article main image by Jake Melara
Secondary image by Kev Costello
